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Practice the 4 C's in Parenting

Catholic Therapist in Castle Rock, IFS Provider, Christian Counseling in Castle Rock, Therapist in Castle Rock

Every parent in the world will tell you that being a parent is hard work. When children are born, parents are not given the “how to” guide of parenting. We learn through our interactions with our new baby. We learn to anticipate the needs of our children so we can feed, change, and connect with them. We also bring into parenthood the good and the bad we learned from our own parents. There may be moments where we lack self awareness, until one day we say or do something that our parents did that we swore we would never do ourselves. Raise your hand if you have ever had a moment like that one!

Michael Redivo’s book, Virtues Grounded Parenting: A Framework for Raising Healthy Children has a wonderful framework for parents to work within. I have used this in my own experiences as a parent, and I have seen these methods be effective in other households through my practice.

I have written about the 4 C’s in a previous blog post; however, I have found that I speak to parents about these often enough that it would be helpful to write about them again. In this post, I will expand on the 4 C’s and hopefully you can adopt them as part of your parenting practices.


Consistency is important in many aspects of our lives. We have to: be consistent with paying our bills, be consistent with our employment, be consistent with our diets. Consistency is not something we are born with, so we have to model and practice it for those around us. Please keep this in mind as consistent does not mean perfect. No one is perfect! Do your best at being consistent. In parenting, it is important for children to know what to expect. It gives them the boundaries they need to explore the world and grow. They will push limits to see if they can get away with something, so the more consistent we are as parents, the better our children will know those lines.


How we interact with our spouse, our family, our friends, and our coworkers will be less strained and stressful if we share with them the positive things we notice them doing. We learn to be competent in a particular skill set; therefore, motivating others to continue growing in their skills will produce faster results when you acknowledge their successes. Praise your children on how they are growing in competency. For example; “You did really well putting the silverware away correctly, (even when everything else was thrown in the cabinet). Let’s work on getting the plates and bowls in the correct spot next time.”


When we can see things with clarity, this means something is clear, understandable, and specific. There are moments where I can equate clarity with wisdom. You can see the bigger picture and understand the moving parts. When you hike to the top of a mountain and see all around you - the image and understanding is clearer than when you started at the base of the mountain. The same goes for working with your children. Be clear about your expectations of them. Help them to see the big picture more clearly.


Were you ever able to calm yourself down when someone told you to calm down? It generally does not work, does it? As parents, we have the capacity for self awareness to recognize when we need a break from something. We are not robots, but people, so when we are getting ourselves worked up about something, it is okay to give yourself permission to take a break. If you need to take some time to navigate a situation with your children, allow yourself some time to think it through, breathe, and then come back when you can speak to your children in a calmer voice/tone/body language. When my kids were younger, they would take a timeout to regulate their emotions so they could talk to me in a way that I would understand. Then, I could help them with more clarity and consistency. Just like our kiddos need a time out, sometimes we do too.

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